you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
where am i from again
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
