I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
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