i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
