so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
