Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
