and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
sex in a hospital.. check
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
