im six kinds of drunk right now
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
