East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
