His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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