Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
