We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
