I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
