youre lurking in front of me
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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