I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
