I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
