You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
