i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
