we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
50% drunk capacity currently
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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