We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Two words: nipple clamps
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