can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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