The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize