Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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