she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize