I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
