I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
