He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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