Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
