Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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