Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
That's when you crack a 10am beer
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
