Tell her she can't have a vagina
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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