He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I want to fling myself into the sun
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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