did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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