Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
