i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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