He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
