last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
