life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize