I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
