Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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