I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
