she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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