i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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