Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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