I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
