you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
