I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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