How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
