At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize