I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize