Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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