apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
