Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
two words: eviction party
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Randomize