is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize