Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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