I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Plan B is the new Plan A
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
