is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
