Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
