Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
