ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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