Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
