WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
