Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Dicks are not precious.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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