she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
