What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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