I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
