yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
