found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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