I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
