I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
