If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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